Her head was tilted back, the beautiful hazel eyes lost in the beauty of the skies when she became aware of the beast beneath her. It was Ciegue, and she was riding bareback and could feel the movement of ever muscle as he picked his way delicately along the shore of the stream. Her fingers were wound in his silky mane, and he seemed to know where they were going better than she did, which was odd.
Again she looked up to the skies, truly amazed at what she was seeing. There were blue and green lights that seemed to be hanging almost exactly over the route of the stream. She had never seen anything like it before. They were not stars, they were not the moons, but were something else entirely, and she did not know what. A part of her was uneasy, frightened at the unusual phenomena, but then there was that other part of her that was almost excited, eager to follow the lights, even if it meant up into the skies.
Had they been riding for ahn, or just for a few ihn, she did not know, it was if time was suspended, again odd, but also peaceful. She rocked to the rhythm of the kaiila, just watching the night skies. When the music first came, it was soft, distant yet close, if that is possible. Ciegue seemed to know where he was going, and changed course to pick his way up along a path into a clearing where a fire blazed, the lights flickering off of the face of the woman who sat there singing softly.
Ciegue came to a stop and turned his head to look at her. Why was it, that when he did this, it was usually his blind eye that sought her out? The massive head nodded, as if to tell her that she needed to dismount, which she did. For a time she simply stood there, her fingers still stroking the silky, ebony mane of the beast as she watched the woman at the fire. The woman did not draw her gaze from the flickering flames, but spoke softly. "Do you plan to stand planted there staring for eternity daughter?"
In all honesty, if she thought she could have gotten away with it, she would have done just that. All she wanted to do at the moment was to drink in the scene, to bask in the warmth and security of it.
Slow steps took her towards the fire, it was almost as if she felt if she moved too quickly it would all disappear like the mist in the early morn. Another sensation invaded her senses and she looked down. Her feet were bare, and the grass beneath them was soft, barely damp, kissed by dew. Stopping, she wiggles her toes, savoring the feel of it all, the warmth, the softness of the grass, and it makes her laugh softly. Her attention is finally drawn back to the woman by the fire, and she approaches watching her.
Lowering down beside the apparition that was her mother, she speaks softly. "How do you always seem to know when I need you?" The woman's arms reached out and she drew her only daughter into her embrace. " Because I am your mother, and that is what mothers do. Have you not learned that with your first child?" She settled into the embrace, truly needed the comfort of it. "I am trying to."
They sat there watching the flames dance in the fire pit. Not once did her mind even begin to question any of this. It was if she were thirsty, her soul parched, and she had come to a magic stream to drink her fill, to quench her thirst. "Cana, I am proud of you. You have been through much, but you always seem to be able to hold you own through it all."
"Mother, I try. I guess that I do what I do, because I know of no other way to handle it. I try not to drag my fears and sadness out before others. They are private to me, and only to me. If I need to cry, I will do it within the privacy of my wagons. If I need to shout and scream with anger for being left alone, I will ride out onto the plains to do it. I just cannot bring myself to put those things on display before others."
Her mother pulls he closer as she laughs softy. "That is because you are you and not them. That is all you can do Cana, is act the way you feel is right, and let others worry about their own problems. You handle yours, and let them handle theirs." Leaning, a gentle kiss is placed to her daughter's brow. "Now tell me, why are you so at outs with yourself?"
A sigh escapes her lips as she stares into the fire. "Mother, I just feel so alone and scared right now. I know that is foolish, because I have the tribe and my family, but it is how I am feeling. Sometimes, I wonder….Why me? Why does life has to be so hard, and I know that is wrong of me." Turning she looks into that beautiful face that has not changed a bit since as long as she can remember. "I know it is selfish of me, but I just have to wonder what I have done that is so bad that the skies seem to wish to punish me."
Her mother sits back, watching her for a few moments. There is no reproach in her gaze, or anger, or disappointment, there is only love. Taking one if her hands, she strokes it as she speaks. "Cana, the skies are not angry with you. They bless you. You have been blessed with the love of two fine, strong warriors, a son that will bring you pride in the future and the child that you carry. Have you ever thought, that it is not your destiny that you question, but the destiny of others? That perhaps you were what was supposed to happen to them at a particular time and in a particular way?
Look at Tayco, how old he was when he claimed you. Have you ever thought he was waiting for the right one to have his son, the one that would raise his child in the old ways, in the traditions of the people?
And Loch. He had been through so much, that his heart was closed to love until you were put upon the path with him. You taught him about the kind of love that exists between a man and a woman, and he taught you to live and laugh again, he helped you to heal. It was all as it should have been. It was all blessings.
Not only to them, but to you. Each of them gave something to you too. Tayco brought you from being a child into being a woman, then Loch stepped in and showed that woman how to live, and allowed her to blossom into who you are today. You have been so blessed.”
Now, she did feel a bit guilty, she had not considered things in that way. See, this was why she needed a mother, someone to guide her. “You are right, you are always right.” Her hand moves to her middle, just to make sure she was still with child, you never knew in dreams. She smiles. “And they both gave me a child to remember them by, so you are right, I am blessed. I miss them Mother, both of them, and for different reasons. I know that I am blessed, but that does not make it any less lonely.”
Her mother laughs softly, then leans to caress her temple with a kiss. “It does not hurt to be lonely sometimes. It makes you appreciate the time when you are not that much more. Cana, you are not destined to be alone. You have far too much to offer to the right warrior. In fact, there is one that is seeing that in you right now. He is waiting, watching and will reveal himself when you are ready.” Her head lifts as she looks at her mother confused. “Watching? Who?” The woman laughs. “I cannot tell you, for you need time to adjust and to be ready. You need to relax, not worry so much, and take care of yourself and the baby you carry. When the time is right, you will know. I will tell you this, he will step forward willing to love you, but also your children. This is rare in a man, so be open to it.”
What could she say? Nothing. Her mother had a way of knowing what was in store for her, and she would trust her. Snuggling in like a small child, she smiles. “Can I not just stay here with you, like this forever?”
“No, you cannot, for it is not your time yet. In fact, it is time for you to return to your life, and for me to go.” Gently she sits her up, and caresses her face with those loving fingers. “You will be fine daughter, as long as you stay true to yourself, and stay strong. Will you do that for us?”
She realized that this was all coming to an end, and nods. It was inevitable, the tears began to fall from her eyes. “I love you Mother and I miss you.” Her mother lifts to her feet, then holds her hand down to pull her daughter up. “I am always in your heart, remember that. When you are troubled, feel those of us that love you so much, in your heart.” One last kiss is given to her temple, then the woman turns to walk off into the mist that was forming.
“Mother! Tell them all that I love them. Father, Tayco, Loch and Trilok.” The woman does not turn around but lifts a hand in farewell. “I will my sweetest daughter.” As she begins to face into the mist, she says one final thing. “But my grandson is not with us. He wanders, watch for him.”
Hearing those words, she ran towards her trying to follow to learn more. “Mother! Mother? Where is he?” But she was gone.
She awoke with a start, on the platform of her wagon, wrapped in furs. Closing her eyes, she tries to summon it all back, but it was gone. Sitting there, she shivers, whether from the cold, or the dream she cannot tell. Eyes closing again, she inhales deeply of the cold air, trying to clear her head. She becomes away of a low growl beside her, opens her eyes, turns her head to see that milky white eye of the kaiila staring at her. How had he gotten from the kaiila herd to her wagon? How had he found her?
The black head tosses, almost as if to say………I have been here all along.
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