It has started out as such a lovely evening. The compliments from those at the fires had made her blush, and they probably had no idea how much they meant to her. She does not have many times any more where she feels good about much of anything.
A cup of tea, good company, it was just what the healer would have ordered. It had been a long time since she had sat and talked with Seveya, but when the young woman mentioned Yew Too, they were suddenly engaged in a lively conversation about the kaiila, and riding. A conversation that she enjoyed very much, not only for herself, but to see the sparkle of light in Seveya's eyes, made it even better.
Asria awoke from her daze and joined in the conversation about riding. What exactly happened next, she cannot understand. She is not nearly that sensitive about things. Maybe it had something to do with her confrontation with Karvek earlier in the day at the pens.
She had made the offer to give Lei riding lessons, and suddenly Asria piped up, in that way she has, and said yes, you and Fonce!
Fonce?
Since when was she not skilled enough to teach a child to ride? Since when did she need the help of another? For some reason, it had hit her wrong, and she found herself lifting up, to go make more tea, before she let the irritation lose. Then when Asria said something about her standing in the way of the relationship that Lei had with Fonce, her irritation deepened. She knew Fonce, and knew that he would not let his relationship with the young child to languish. No one would stand in the way of that.
Asria had maybe realized that she had spoken out of turn and apologized, and she had smiled at her and tried to accept the apology as graciously as she could, and promised to give Lei and Also a lesson the next morning. All was good, except a damper had been thrown over the evening for her.
Even the arrival of Mezoo did not help to lift it, but she stayed to talk to the young spex. It seems she has made a decision on the kaiila, which did not surprise her. When the animal had physically shown his interest in the young woman earlier, something clicked and she knew the two were meant for each other. She loves when that happens.
She tarried only a bit longer, dickering a bit with Mezoo over the price of the kaiila, but her heart was not in it any longer. She smiled, made her farewells and left the main fires.
All was quiet around her wagons, there was no need for her at the moment, so she found herself walking. Just walking aimlessly through the rows and circles of wagons, watching the people. From time to time she stopped to talk to someone that asked for her attention, then she would take up her walk again.
She passed near one circle of fires, where there was a family just settling in to eat. It was clear that the father had just returned from patrol, and as he was getting settled, the woman was getting his meal, and the children crowded around him to tell him of the adventures of their day. It was such a serene, quiet picture of love and family, that it sent a pang of longing through her that was sharper than any blade.
Averting her face she walked on, thinking. At one point, she saw an older man and woman sitting on the platform of their wagon, both with a mug in hand. The man's other arm was around what she assumed was his mate, and he turned to place a kiss to the top of her graying head. You could tell by just watching, that they had been together and in love for a long time. She felt like a voyeur watching them and quickened her steps to get away.
She did not think she had any kind of intent or purpose as to where she was going, but she was wrong. Soon she saw another circle of fires, this one much more familiar to her than the others. Stopping, she stood for a few moments watching the man that worked on the bridle, how his hands were so sure with what he was doing. He had lifted his head to see her standing in the shadows, lay the bridle aside and motioned to her.
Like a small child, she ran to him and allowed herself to be gathered up into his embrace and pulled down into his lap, just like she had done so many times growing up. Her brother Ephrim, simply held her and allowed her to cry, stroking her back with those work, worn hands, and saying little.
She hates when she loses control of her emotions like this. She works so hard to keep a very tight rein on them, and everything else in her life. Her children depend on it, she depends on it. Never once has it occurred to her, that showing emotions is not a weakness, that it is simply a sign of her humanity. But right now, none of those thoughts occur to her. Right now, she is just feeling overwhelmed, alone and cast adrift.
At one point, she even pounded on his chest in frustration. Frustration at being alone, frustration at being stalked in the night by something she does not understand, frustration of having no one to talk to, frustration at having to be strong every day, of never feeling like she can just let go and let others take care of her.
Ephrim had let her cry those soul wrenching sobs, until she reached the point that she just could not cry any longer. Only then did he lift her chin, brushing the tears from her cheek and begins to talk to her in calming tones, telling her of how much she is loved here at her family fires, and of how proud they all are of her. He even teases, saying that he still had a hard time thinking of her as Ubara, The Mother of the People, because he still saw the little girl with smudges of dirt on her face, skinned knees and two braids flying out behind her as she ran through camp.
Of the girl, who learned to fashion pots, mugs and dishes from clay, because she broke so many, that she had to learn to replace them. Of the little girl, who had spent almost an entire year clomping around in a pair of Dorian's cast off boots, the toes stuffed with reps, because she had outgrown hers, and they could not afford at the time to get her a new pair. Maybe that is why she is so protective over those old worn boots she wears now. She can remember a time with no boots.
He then talks of watching that same awkward girl growing into the woman she is now, and how proud they all were of her, of her strength, of her character. But he then reminds her, that no one is alone in the world, that there are always those that care about them, that sometimes you just had to look around and realize it.
She sat there for a long time, head on his chest, listening to the rumble of his voice, as he worked on calming her down. She longed to tell him of her fears, of the thing that haunted her night, but she just could not bring herself to do it. There is this part of her that does not want to tell, for fear of the thing learning of those close to her, and turning its' attentions there. And she did not tell, because her brother was a practical man, with simple, practical ideas, and she did not want him thinking that she had taken leave of her senses.
Evidently, at some point she had fallen asleep. When she awoke, the first rays of dawn were beginning to color the sky, and she was laying on a pallet of furs, and he was leaned against a wheel, sleeping, keeping watch.
Now, that is love, of another kind.
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