Exiled

She had ran blindly into the night, trying to escape the pain that seemed to be wrapping icy fingers around her body, heart and soul, to no avail. It followed her, and would probably follow her for the rest of the days of her life. At one point, she found herself where she was the most comfortable, with the kaiila. Ciegue came to her, nudging her shoulder, almost as if he knew of the pain in her heart. She buried her face into his mane and cried even more, then whispered.......I guess I have dishonored you too. It did not seem to bother him, because he stayed right with her, never moving more than a few horts from her as she moved around.



She had been told to go to the outer wagons of her brother, but she just could not do that. She could not face the shame involved with her failure, so she would stay in the only place where she felt comfortable, with the kaiila. She had been such a fool, and she knew it. Jealousy is an unbecoming emotion in anyone, and she had reacted badly. But the thing that made it even worse, is that she had acted badly before others. She had shamed herself and Ba'atar before the Tribe, and she was miserable about it.



Getting some old, ratty furs that were stored in the clan supply wagon, she settled down on the ground, wrapping them around her and sat thinking and crying. She just loved him so much, and sometimes that love blinded her. She feared losing him, and that fear might just be the thing that drives him away. Ciegue still stayed beside her, dipping his head down to nuzzle her from time to time. She begins to talk softly to him between sobs and sniffles.



"You see, it is like this. I made a fool of myself, and embarrassed Ba'atar and everyone at the fires. He had come to our furs one night with the scent of another woman on him. At first, I thought it was a slave, and men have their slaves and I know that. I think what set me off was when I smelled that same scent on one of the new prospects, the one that just sets my teeth on edge to begin with. She is beautiful, but that does not bother me so much. Most of the women that surround me are beautiful, much more so than I. It is the way that she carries herself, her attitude of entitlement, and the way she tries to manipulate things. That angers me more than anything."



The half-blind beast runs his snout along her shoulder and she pulls her legs up, wraps her arms around them and continues to talk to him quietly like an old friend, a hand lifting to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "So, as I was saying, I smelled that scent on her, and something inside me just burst. I couldn't see anything but that smirk that she has this tendency to get, and I just wanted to slit her throat." Sighs. "It would have probably been better if I had done that, instead of what I did do. I let my anger and jealousy take over, and accused her of sleeping with Ba'atar." Hugs her legs tighter, frowns then continues. "That was wrong, and now that I have calmed down, I know it was wrong. You see, I don't think he would do that to me, but I was not thinking straight at the moment. And I do trust him, it is her that I don't trust. I think she is a manipulative she-sleen, and I do think that she has thrown herself at him. And, if you think of it, what normal man would not react. I do trust him, it is just her that I don't trust."



The kaiila snorts like he understood every word that she was saying. Her hand lifts to scratch the side of his long, beautiful face. "Now, I have no idea how Ba'atar got her scent on him as he did, but you can sure bet that I will ask him, someday. Might not be any day soon, seeing as how he has pretty much banished me from the fires, but I will ask. It might be the last think I ever get to ask anyone, but I intend to ask."



Her voice softens as the anger begins to drain out of her, and the tears seep from her eyes again. "I should never have acted as I did at the fires. I shamed him and I am miserable over that. I love him so much, and I think he knows how what he did would simply kill my soul. He sent me away. Away from him and my sons. It hurt so badly to see the confusion on their little faces. I will never get that image out of my mind or my heart. I fear they will never look at me the same after tonight. I would have rather he had beaten me, I think. I could have gotten over that, but I am not too sure how to get over this. Emotional pain is always harder to endure than physical pain, but I will find a way."



The kaiila nudged her again, and leaned down to take the edge of one of the furs between his fangs and brought it up, almost as if he was telling her it was time to sleep. Patting his nose again, she lay down, pulled the fur up and tried to sleep.