The pains had finally stopped. The only thing that lingered was the weariness of both body and soul. Through the day she had rested trying to regain her strength, all the time mentally chiding herself for her weakness. The day turned into night, and for the briefest moment there was a glimmer of hope. She heard him outside the wagon singing low, probably to one of the boys. Her heart lifted, just knowing that he would come, that she would see his face, and everything would go away.
She had finally managed to sit up, to brush errant tendrils of hair away from her face and waited in anticipation. But he did not come, and again there was silence. Her girl juneau was the only one that came, with a bowl of broth, buttered bread and tea, and began to urge her to eat to regain her strength. Taking the bowl she sipped and finally asked about her Master, if he had been fed. The girl looked down and told her not at these fires that she had seen. Reaching over, she tapped her on the head and told her to go see that he had his food and water. The girl never raised her gaze and simply said........I cannot Mistress. He is in his wagon with his girl. The hope she had felt briefly was dashed into a million pieces.
The words cut like the double edge of a quiva. Lowering the bowl, she had but two words to say......Leave me. The girl finally managed to look up, and she barked at her..........Leave me now! She did not have to be told a third time.
Alone again, her hands trembled so badly the broth sloshed over them and dripped to the furs. How long she sat there, dry eyed, she did not know. There were no more tears to shed. Part of her died at that moment. But from somewhere deep inside her resolve, began to surface, to take hold and to give her strength. Her sons loved her, and she must be strong for her sons. She had to be strong for herself.
Slowly she drank what was left of the broth and tried to choke down the bread that seemed to want to stick in her constricted throat. Sitting the bowl aside, she lay down, curled her arms protectively around her middle and tried to sleep. Sinking deeper into that welcome land of slumber she began to dream.
It was that peaceful, beautiful place that she had been before. The fire was warm, the air held the scent of that field of blue flowers that she loved so much. For a moment, there was a melancholy when she thought of the flowers, but it passed, just as quickly as it had come.
The hand that came to rest upon her shoulders was familiar and comforting. She did not even have to look back to know who it was. The words that came from the apparition floated around her like the warm, prairie winds. "I see you are troubled again my daughter" All she could do was nod. Her mother moved to sit down beside her taking one hand in hers'.
"Do you remember the night that I showed you the apex of the paths in your life, and told you of how you were the only one that could decided which path to take?" Again she nodded, and whispered. "Yes, and I thought I had chosen well, but there are times that I wonder." She felt the squeeze to her hand. "My child, we all wonder that. And, we all make missteps along our path, but it is how we find our way back to the truth that either makes us stronger, or that allows us to become lost."
Her head leans to that shoulder that was where she found solace when she was much younger. "But Mother, I did not exactly choose this path, he chose it for me. I did not claim him, he claimed me." A kiss was placed to her brow. "That is the way of our people. You are a woman, he is a man, it is his choice. Do you now regret his choice?" Her head lifts quickly and she looks into the eyes that look so much like her own. "No! I love him. I love him so much that it scares me sometimes. I just want him to love me back."
A hand lifts to stroke her cheek. "Do you really think the warrior does not love you?" A heavy sigh escapes from between her lips as her eyes lower. "Right now, I do not know what to think. There are times when he says the words, but they are not backed up by the actions. It confuses me."
Her mother leaned back a bit to study her. "Cana, listen to me, and think upon what I am going to tell you. You have been blessed with the love of two good, honorable warriors. Men that knew themselves, their hearts and their feelings, and they both taught you something of yourself. They both allowed you to flourish and grow into the woman you have become. That is much more than most women ever have. And, this one loves you too, he just does not always know how to show it in the ways that you want. You see, he is arrogant, strong, hard-working and stubborn. But, with all of that said, he is still learning himself and until he learns that, how can he know your needs? In his mind, love means control. In his mind, what he wants is what you should want."
Her brow draws as she thinks on this. "So, I forget my needs, and cater only to his?" Her gaze lifts to the woman that she loves so. "Must I lose myself to become what he wants? Must I lose Cana, to become the mate of Ba'atar?"
A mist of tears forms in the woman's eyes. "Daughter, you are already the mate of Ba'atar, and that will not change. What you must learn how to do is reconcile that with who you are deep inside. I fear that if you do not, then you will be like the flower that never reaches it's full potential to bear fruit, and you will wither on the vine of life."
Her mother lifts to her feet and holds down her hand. "Come walk with me, let me show you something." Taking that hand, she lifts to her feet, her brow still furrowed in thought. She is led from the clearing, and the surrounding trees melt away and they were standing on a precipice looking out over the plains. It was beautiful. The sky was clear and a shade of blue that there are no words for. Beneath it. the lands stretched out to infinity, black with the humped backs of the bosk, and the grass was as high as a man's waist. Pride swelled within her heart, just to see it like this.
Her mother's hand lifts to point at a group of riders that rode along the perimeter of the herd. "You see them? They are your legacy. They are the descendants of strong Tuchuk stock. They are the sons of Tayco, Loch and Ba'atar. The blood of Kamchak runs through one, as does the blood of many Tuchuk warriors. If we had the time, we could trace their lines back to strong, honorable Tuchuk's for many generations. But the one thing that flows through them all, the one thing that binds them all together, is that the blood of Cana also flows through their veins." She felt tears begin to burn behind her eyes as she looked down to her sons with the love and pride that only a mother knows.
Marianne continues to speak softly in her ear. "Do you remember when Tayco told you that someday he would sit and tell his sons of how strong their mother was, of how she never wavered, and stayed true to herself, to who she was, when others tried to plant the seeds of doubt in her heart?" The memory floods over her and brings a smile as she nods. Her mother continues. "And do you remember Loch telling you how proud he was of you, and that your features were all that he needed to help him ride the skies in peace?" Again she nods, the tears threatening again.
The vision began to face, and there was a light that began to creep in around them. "We do not have much time left, the day is upon us, and I need for you to listen to me. The Sky, in her infinite wisdom, has sent you yet another challenge. Have you considered that She put you in Ba'atar's path to help him? To help him reach his own potential?" She turned to look at her in confusion. "Me? How can I do that, I am only a woman."
Her mother slips her arm around her shoulders and leads her back into the glade of trees that was quickly fading, and helps her to lower down, then kneels beside her, brushing the hair from around her face. "Yes, you are a woman, but I still have hope that you are a strong woman, and that you will prevail in what you are facing right now. You must search down deep and side and find what you need to be the strong woman that I know you are, not only for him, but for yourself and your sons. And for your people. Your path was chosen for you, but how you walk that path is up to you. Your feet are set upon a path of history. Think of how you want the singers to sing of you long after you are gone." She begins to fade as the light of dawn seeps into the world of the non-dreaming, but she has one final nugget of wisdom. "Choose your destiny Cana, do not let others choose it for you."
Her eyes fluttered open, and a feeling of peace and strength flowed through her. Sitting up, she yawned and stretched and sat for a time thinking upon the dream. Crawling out of the furs, she stuck her head out of the flaps to find Rook having his morning blackwine on the platform of the wagon that was just ahead of hers.
"Tell the girls to fix me food, then to start heating water for my bath. I cannot lay abed forever, I have work to see to." A deep laugh rolled from the old man as he stood and began bellowing orders. "Harta! She is back, and she is in a mood!"
She had finally managed to sit up, to brush errant tendrils of hair away from her face and waited in anticipation. But he did not come, and again there was silence. Her girl juneau was the only one that came, with a bowl of broth, buttered bread and tea, and began to urge her to eat to regain her strength. Taking the bowl she sipped and finally asked about her Master, if he had been fed. The girl looked down and told her not at these fires that she had seen. Reaching over, she tapped her on the head and told her to go see that he had his food and water. The girl never raised her gaze and simply said........I cannot Mistress. He is in his wagon with his girl. The hope she had felt briefly was dashed into a million pieces.
The words cut like the double edge of a quiva. Lowering the bowl, she had but two words to say......Leave me. The girl finally managed to look up, and she barked at her..........Leave me now! She did not have to be told a third time.
Alone again, her hands trembled so badly the broth sloshed over them and dripped to the furs. How long she sat there, dry eyed, she did not know. There were no more tears to shed. Part of her died at that moment. But from somewhere deep inside her resolve, began to surface, to take hold and to give her strength. Her sons loved her, and she must be strong for her sons. She had to be strong for herself.
Slowly she drank what was left of the broth and tried to choke down the bread that seemed to want to stick in her constricted throat. Sitting the bowl aside, she lay down, curled her arms protectively around her middle and tried to sleep. Sinking deeper into that welcome land of slumber she began to dream.
It was that peaceful, beautiful place that she had been before. The fire was warm, the air held the scent of that field of blue flowers that she loved so much. For a moment, there was a melancholy when she thought of the flowers, but it passed, just as quickly as it had come.
The hand that came to rest upon her shoulders was familiar and comforting. She did not even have to look back to know who it was. The words that came from the apparition floated around her like the warm, prairie winds. "I see you are troubled again my daughter" All she could do was nod. Her mother moved to sit down beside her taking one hand in hers'.
"Do you remember the night that I showed you the apex of the paths in your life, and told you of how you were the only one that could decided which path to take?" Again she nodded, and whispered. "Yes, and I thought I had chosen well, but there are times that I wonder." She felt the squeeze to her hand. "My child, we all wonder that. And, we all make missteps along our path, but it is how we find our way back to the truth that either makes us stronger, or that allows us to become lost."
Her head leans to that shoulder that was where she found solace when she was much younger. "But Mother, I did not exactly choose this path, he chose it for me. I did not claim him, he claimed me." A kiss was placed to her brow. "That is the way of our people. You are a woman, he is a man, it is his choice. Do you now regret his choice?" Her head lifts quickly and she looks into the eyes that look so much like her own. "No! I love him. I love him so much that it scares me sometimes. I just want him to love me back."
A hand lifts to stroke her cheek. "Do you really think the warrior does not love you?" A heavy sigh escapes from between her lips as her eyes lower. "Right now, I do not know what to think. There are times when he says the words, but they are not backed up by the actions. It confuses me."
Her mother leaned back a bit to study her. "Cana, listen to me, and think upon what I am going to tell you. You have been blessed with the love of two good, honorable warriors. Men that knew themselves, their hearts and their feelings, and they both taught you something of yourself. They both allowed you to flourish and grow into the woman you have become. That is much more than most women ever have. And, this one loves you too, he just does not always know how to show it in the ways that you want. You see, he is arrogant, strong, hard-working and stubborn. But, with all of that said, he is still learning himself and until he learns that, how can he know your needs? In his mind, love means control. In his mind, what he wants is what you should want."
Her brow draws as she thinks on this. "So, I forget my needs, and cater only to his?" Her gaze lifts to the woman that she loves so. "Must I lose myself to become what he wants? Must I lose Cana, to become the mate of Ba'atar?"
A mist of tears forms in the woman's eyes. "Daughter, you are already the mate of Ba'atar, and that will not change. What you must learn how to do is reconcile that with who you are deep inside. I fear that if you do not, then you will be like the flower that never reaches it's full potential to bear fruit, and you will wither on the vine of life."
Her mother lifts to her feet and holds down her hand. "Come walk with me, let me show you something." Taking that hand, she lifts to her feet, her brow still furrowed in thought. She is led from the clearing, and the surrounding trees melt away and they were standing on a precipice looking out over the plains. It was beautiful. The sky was clear and a shade of blue that there are no words for. Beneath it. the lands stretched out to infinity, black with the humped backs of the bosk, and the grass was as high as a man's waist. Pride swelled within her heart, just to see it like this.
Her mother's hand lifts to point at a group of riders that rode along the perimeter of the herd. "You see them? They are your legacy. They are the descendants of strong Tuchuk stock. They are the sons of Tayco, Loch and Ba'atar. The blood of Kamchak runs through one, as does the blood of many Tuchuk warriors. If we had the time, we could trace their lines back to strong, honorable Tuchuk's for many generations. But the one thing that flows through them all, the one thing that binds them all together, is that the blood of Cana also flows through their veins." She felt tears begin to burn behind her eyes as she looked down to her sons with the love and pride that only a mother knows.
Marianne continues to speak softly in her ear. "Do you remember when Tayco told you that someday he would sit and tell his sons of how strong their mother was, of how she never wavered, and stayed true to herself, to who she was, when others tried to plant the seeds of doubt in her heart?" The memory floods over her and brings a smile as she nods. Her mother continues. "And do you remember Loch telling you how proud he was of you, and that your features were all that he needed to help him ride the skies in peace?" Again she nods, the tears threatening again.
The vision began to face, and there was a light that began to creep in around them. "We do not have much time left, the day is upon us, and I need for you to listen to me. The Sky, in her infinite wisdom, has sent you yet another challenge. Have you considered that She put you in Ba'atar's path to help him? To help him reach his own potential?" She turned to look at her in confusion. "Me? How can I do that, I am only a woman."
Her mother slips her arm around her shoulders and leads her back into the glade of trees that was quickly fading, and helps her to lower down, then kneels beside her, brushing the hair from around her face. "Yes, you are a woman, but I still have hope that you are a strong woman, and that you will prevail in what you are facing right now. You must search down deep and side and find what you need to be the strong woman that I know you are, not only for him, but for yourself and your sons. And for your people. Your path was chosen for you, but how you walk that path is up to you. Your feet are set upon a path of history. Think of how you want the singers to sing of you long after you are gone." She begins to fade as the light of dawn seeps into the world of the non-dreaming, but she has one final nugget of wisdom. "Choose your destiny Cana, do not let others choose it for you."
Her eyes fluttered open, and a feeling of peace and strength flowed through her. Sitting up, she yawned and stretched and sat for a time thinking upon the dream. Crawling out of the furs, she stuck her head out of the flaps to find Rook having his morning blackwine on the platform of the wagon that was just ahead of hers.
"Tell the girls to fix me food, then to start heating water for my bath. I cannot lay abed forever, I have work to see to." A deep laugh rolled from the old man as he stood and began bellowing orders. "Harta! She is back, and she is in a mood!"
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